That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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