Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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