u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
