do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize