you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
