I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
