Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
