I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
