Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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