I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You smell like stripper and shame
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
you never un-have a 4some
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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