my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We were destined to go to rehab together
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
