Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
