Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I will be naked everywhere
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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