I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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