i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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