whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
