This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
