and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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