this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
