maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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