i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
