Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
