apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
