you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
