I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
