If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
