Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
