he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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