I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
