It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
