Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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