Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
