i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
