im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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