You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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