Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
