his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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