Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
