You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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