don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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