No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
