Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize