there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
