he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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