EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
