Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
