my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
