I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
look no pants
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
