the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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