these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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