So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
