i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
