If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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