That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
