I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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