Your tits are I can't wait for
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
