i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
