dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
