I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
