my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
