he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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