my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
