you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
