...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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