what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
