I'm gonna have a badass scar
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
