i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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