Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
