just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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