winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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