Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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