You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
