my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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