Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
