Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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