You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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