I have demons in me.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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