as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
