he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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