hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
