So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize