apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize