Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
