if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
