OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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