I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
