Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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