I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
